Be Still, and Know

"Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything." - Unknown

I added this blog title to a blank google doc on July 23, 2023. A few days ago, I finally began this entry. If I’m being quite honest, I don’t know how to be still, so it’s been virtually impossible to write about something that I’ve always struggled with immensely. 

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” What does that mean to you? Is it just a piece of scripture that you’ve memorized and so easily rehearse to others when they are having a difficult time? It’s easy to give advice and suggest for others to be still in the moment and trust God during the silence and heartache but yet I seem unable to do it myself. Oftentimes, I feel as if I barely hang on by the hem of His garment.

I can’t be still and trust God because I fear losing control. Control of the situation, control of another person's actions, and control of my life. The list could very well go on if I could actually be still long enough to think about it. What if the situation doesn’t turn out the way I want? What if I have no control over the outcome? What if Gods plan is painful? What if? Two words that very seldom leave my mind. 

My entire life I’ve battled with fear and losing control…but why? Take a moment to ask yourself, just as I have done. It’s never easy to dig deep and most times it feels better to just not face our own issues, shortcomings, or to actually admit to ourselves that we hurt or truly aren’t as strong as we seem to be. The thought of losing control of a situation only leads us to a state of fear, panic, lack of trust, loss of faith, and makes it extremely difficult to believe that God even cares about or loves us. But what if losing control is exactly what God wants for us? Perhaps His plan is for us to lose control so He can prove that He is in control and that we need not try to be. 

Have you ever had an extremely difficult season (or seasons) in life where you see no way out? And that nothing good could possibly come from the situation regardless of how much you’ve tried to control it? God has proven to me time and time again that He is faithful, just as He says… but when the next trial comes, I suddenly seem to forget how He walked me through every fire prior. Satan is real and is very much at work, especially in my head and maybe yours as well. Satan desires that we lose faith, lack trust, and give up hope, simply because living in fear and “white knuckling” control keeps us in bondage…exactly where he wants us. 

Why do we find it so hard to believe that God is for us and that we can trust Him with every aspect of our lives? Why do I find it so hard to believe that God is for me and that I can trust Him with every aspect of my life? I’ve recently made an internal discovery and I’ll explain why I have difficulty believing that God truly does love me and that I can trust Him. 

A portion of John 8:44 says, “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” Satan…the father of lies. After discovering my issues with fear and control, God asked me a question which opened the door to a lifetime of buried bones. His question was, “Alicia, why do you not trust me?” My answer to His question was heavy. That very night, I took pen to paper and finally discovered the truth. 

Throughout my life and beginning at a young age, seeds of fear and distrust have been planted in my heart. Lies intertwined with constant chaos, life became like a jigsaw puzzle, constantly digging through lies in an attempt to find the truths. With that, I've gained a distorted perception a man's love that has unfortunately and unknowingly carried over into my spiritual life. Father, Son, & Holy Spirit. A masculine Trinity. I’ve forever lived in fear that He’s the same as them. What type of love have you received from men throughout life? Do you assume God offers an identical love? If I already have a strong distrust in earthly masculinity, how am I to trust, with my life, the unseen masculinity in three different forms? It’s so difficult for me to not doubt. Trusting God removes control from my hands, even though I have no control to begin with. Unknowingly comparing God to worldly masculinity has been one of my greatest battles and I continue to pray that someday, such a stronghold will break. It often feels as if Satan has had me in chains since birth and it’s been virtually impossible to escape. I’ve so easily believed the lies of the enemy because I’ve spent such a large portion of my life being led to believe countless lies as constant truths.

An article based around John 8:44 reads, “Lying is Satan’s primary weapon against God’s children. He uses the tactic of deceit to separate people from their heavenly Father. Some of his more common lies are “there is no God,” “God doesn’t care about you,” “the Bible cannot be trusted,” and “your good works will get you into heaven.” The apostle Paul tells us that Satan “masquerades as an angel of light”, so that what he says and does sounds good and seems reasonable. But it is nothing more than a false appearance.” The deceit is enough to drive anyone mad. I am the target, and his lies are the ammunition. 

Last year, Psalm 46:10 began coming to me in various forms. In my stubborn nature and not sure what to believe, I wrote this blog title on a google doc and pushed it aside. Was God really trying to get my attention in July of 2023? Was He really trying to tell me something? Perhaps I truly did need to just Be Still. I bought a shirt around the same time that said, “Be Still and Know”. Shortly after, I was driving to the vet and the song “Be Still and Know” by Housefires began playing from an Apple Music station. I skipped it. I wanted to hear a song that I was familiar with, and that song wasn’t one of them. However, it did strike me in an oddly weird way, as that scripture seemed relentless at grabbing my attention. With Max in the car, I sat at the entrance waiting to exit the parking lot. I glanced to the right only to see a sign that said, “Be Still and Know”. Our God is not a coincidence type of God. He is a relentless God and knowing my nature, He wasn't and isn't giving up on me.

This scripture has continued to cross my path since then and even more so recently while uncovering internal issues among never ending trials. I’ve learned that oftentimes God will place difficult situations in front of us so that we must come to a standstill and have nowhere else to turn. Only then can He redirect us to a place of stillness. A place to trust only in Him. When I find myself battling scenarios and doubts in my mind, I continue to hear God speak the words, “Alicia, why do you not trust me?” I have no doubt that what seems like immovable mountains have been placed in my path to stop me, simply to give me no other option…but to be still. Among the constant frustrations, internal battles, and never-ending doubt, I continue to do what is most difficult for me. Trust. Exodus 14:14 tells me, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” So, I’m trusting Him. 

Do you find it difficult to trust God in your doubting moments despite how many times He has already proven to be faithful? As I glance over my life, there has never been a single moment where God has failed or proven Himself to be unfaithful. But yet, I still wrestle with doubt, anxiety, fear of losing control, and being let down. I still fear, question, and wrestle with every reason as to why He won’t come through this one time. I am the lamb with wobbly legs, and He is the good shepherd. Father, help me to walk by faith and not by sight. Keep me still until I am able to heal and fully trust in You.

In July of 2023, God wanted my attention and I failed at being receptive. Today, that same scripture has become my anchor. Below is a picture I painted last week. When I am consumed by trials, I look at my painting. The blood dripping cross is a constant reminder of just how big God is, as well as His capability to overcome what I see as impossible. Above all, He wants me to Be Still, AND Know. Not only does He call me to be still, but He also calls me to know. To know that He is a good God and that I can trust Him. This song says it so perfectly. How could I ever forget? There’s too much evidence all around me, all around me, all around me. You surround me with the evidence of Your faithfulness. I will never ever ever forget. I will be still and know.